Overheard at Runyon Canyon

To be fair, he is a creationist

Wife: How long ago do you think they put this here? A hundred years?
Husband: The trail or the mountain?

Sharon Osbourne's Alaska?

Guy #1: I don't even know who she is.
Guy #2: She's Sarah Palin's daughter. She's the only person to gain weight on that show.
Guy #1: Kelly Osbourne got hot on that show!

Mr. Ed's people had a hard time keeping him in line...
Guy in wife-beater: I couldn't believe I was hearing it from the horse's mouth.
Friend: (sympathetically) That's why you need paper on whoever you're developing.